Word play 
1. How does a Filipino use the words "penis" and "deposit" in the same sentence?

"Aaaahhh apter I penis wassing my hands I turn op de-posit!"

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2....

Nurse and the patient from mental hospital... 
Nurse and the patient from mental hospital...

Nurse: Ano yang ginagawa mo??

Patient(baliw): Nagtatanim...

Nurse: Anu yang tinatanim mo.. Eh ...

Tootpick 
Customer: Toothpick.. Toothpick.. Waiter, bakit wala nang toothpick dito?

Waiter: Ewan ko po Sir?? Basta ako pag mag toothpick ako dyan, ibinabalik ...

Mexican Delicacy! 
A big Texan stopped at a local restaurant following a day roaming around in Mexico .

While sipping his tequila, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious looking ...

Loving Husband 
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can ...

A Smart Blonde 
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired,...

Short and Crazy Pinoy Jokes  
July 21, 2007
Pari't Madre
Thanks to Marcela Espiritu from Hongkong
Pari : Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kunin ko lang toothbrush ko.
Sister ...

Pinoy Jokes - Prayers For Different Single Women 
At age 15: Lord, give me SuperMAN
At age 18: Lord, give me a cute MAN
At age 20: Lord, give me the best MAN
At age 30: Lord, give me a good MAN
At ...

Pinoy Jokes - English Tagalog Dictionary 
01) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
02) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
03) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
04) Tenacious ...

Pinoy Joke - The Mental Patient  
A doctor was examining his patient from the Mental Hospital.
Doctor: Kung ikaw ay palabasin ngayon, ano ang gagawin mo?
Patient: Dok, titiradorin ...

Pinoy Joke - Filipino American Boy 
Tiyo: "Iho, bakit malungkot ang pamangkin ko? Andito ka na nga sa Amerika eh malungkot ka pa rin? Ano'ng nagyari sa bisikleta mo?
Pamangkin: Eh ...

Phil. Theme Song of Married Couples 
1 to 10 married years - Araw-araw gabi-gabi
11 to 25 " " - Saan ka man naroon
26 to 49 " " - Gaano kadalas ang Minsan
50 and up " " - Maalaala ...

Short Funny Pinoy Jokes 
September 3, 2007
Honest
Namatay ang isang mister na babaero. Sa requiem mass, sinabi ng pari patungkol sa namatay, "an honest man, a good man, a ...

Pinoy Joke - Babae Po Ako 
Ama: Halika nga rito, bata ka! Ano ka ba talaga... lalaki o babae?
Anak: Eh, babwae po...
Ama: Naku talaga naman! Lalaki ka! Tandaan mo yan ha?...

Diary of a Filipino in the United States 
Dec. 15 - Thank God, I safely arrived in the United States. I can see that New York is a wonderful place. And snow is coming! Oooh, I can't wait to see ...

Pinoy Joke - Language Barrier 
July 19, 2007 :
Nag-aaral ako sa La Salle...

Ang dami kong kaklaseng Intsik. Apelyidong Uy, Lim,
Tan, Co, Go, Chua,
Chi, Sy, Wy, at ...

Answers  Not rated yet
a dad asked his son to buy him something...

dad: anak bili mo ko nang softdrinks
son: coke o pepsi?
dad: coke
son: regular o lite?
dad: regular
...

THe 3 VAMPIREs  Not rated yet
Tatlong "BAMPIRA" Sa RESTAURANT,
(MAYAMAN, MAYKAYA, AT MAHIRAP!

RICH VAMPIRE:
WAITER! FRESH BLOOD PURE NGA
UNG MEDYO MAINIT PA!

...WAITER:
COMING ...

FARMVILLE  Not rated yet
May isang matandang malapit ng mamatay

LOLA: Iho, ikaw na ang mamana sa aking mga prutasan, at aking lupa.

APO: Salamat po lola, saan po 'yun?

LOLA:...

ERAP JOKES  Not rated yet
THE DIFFERENCE

FVR: WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN POTATO & MASHED POTATO ?

ERAP: ITONG WRISTBAND KO POTE' TO, 'TONG BARONG KO MASPOTE' TO!!

____________________________________
...

Confession  Not rated yet
One day, a girl named Inday confessed to a priest.

Inday: Father, every time I look around during mass, a realize that I'm the prettiest girl of all....

Monthly period  Not rated yet
Anak: nay!!! my mens na ko!

Nay: ano kulay...aber?

Anak: dark brown nay!

Nay: lintik na bata to!!!! LBM yan!!! hala..maghugas ka na ng pwet!
... ambisyosong ...

"Chicken na chicken!"  Not rated yet
Ama: o, anak, kumusta na yung pag-aaral mo?
Anak: okey lang po, 'tay. nag quiz po kami kanina about sa mga manok.
Ama: Talaga?
Anak: opo, 'tay! chicken ...

Learn japanese (Pinoy joke)  Not rated yet
Teacher: how do you say "I am handsome in Japanese?"

Ka muka ko.

Teacher: How do I say " am ugly in Japanese?

Ka muka ...

How does a filipino use Paul 5 times in a sentence?  Not rated yet
Paul, becarPaul, you might Paul in the swimming Paul and that will be our Pault.

simple but funny.. nya-ha-ha-ha!

SUPERMAN  Not rated yet
Bakit 'S' ang nasa costume ni Superman?

Wala na kasing medium!
Napansin mo, fit masyado, di ba?

Liver and Cheese  Not rated yet
There were 4 men at McDonald's and saw a pretty girl.

She said the only way to get her is to use "liver and cheese in a wise way".

The 1st guy said ...

Ang mga tanga..  Not rated yet
Tanga 1: meron kabang cocomban??
tanga 2: tanga! cocongban!!!!
tanga 3:e mas tanga ka!! bombpayper!!!!!!!!

Disabled (Pinoy Joke)  Not rated yet
Naka tanggap ng sulat si Mary galing sa amerikanong boyfriend na matagal na niyang ka penpal.(Retired soldier daw.)

Pinapupunta siya ng USA at pakakasal ...

Manok (Pinoy Joke)  Not rated yet
tatay: nak, me manok sa kusina.. tinuka yong bigas paalisin mo

anak: oy manok alis ka daw!

tatay: tanga! takutin mo

anak: manok mumu ako. awooh!...

WARNING! (Pinoy joke!)  Not rated yet
gurl:I'm warning you dadating na ang papa ko within 1 hour....

boy: wla naman tayong ginagawang masama a..???

gurl: wala nga kung may balak ka..!!! dali ...

sa jeep :))  Not rated yet
Barker ng bus: Oh, CUBAO po kayo dyan!! mga CUBAO dito po, Sir, CUBAO, CUBAO, CUBAO, CUBAO, CUBAO, CUBAO, CUBAO"

Pasahero: "Boss, Cubao?"

(The ...

Mag syota  Not rated yet
My mag syota na d nagkita ng 1 month...

Then 1 day nagkita sila, at ang unang tanong ng girl sa boy...

"MAHAL MO PA BA AKO?"

Di nakasagot ang ...

Exam   Not rated yet
Parehong bungi nagkakantyawan...

pare 1: pare! parang exam yung ngipin mo hah
pare 2: pare!bkt nmn?
pare 1: kc 1 seat a part!
pare 2: ikaw ...

Tuyo at Itlog  Not rated yet
Isang umaga habang tahimik na nagaagahan c Pedro na ang ulam ay tuyo.

Sarap na sarap na sinasawsaw sa suka ni Pedro ang tuyo ng biglang may kumagat ...

Pinoy Joke - Peso!!!  Not rated yet
AMO: Inday,papalit mo nga tong dollar sa peso.

INDAY: Sige po ser.

Pagkabalik ni Inday..

AMO: Bakit ka may plastic na dala??

INDAY: Ser. ang ...

ForgetFulL!  Not rated yet
There were two men. One named john(J) and the other is called matthew(M).

ONE DAY:

(J): hey matthew do you want an ice cream? i'll treat u if you ...

Pacman & Mommy D.  Not rated yet
Pacman: Mom, how many Liters are there in a 4000mL coke?

Mommy D: hmm... 4 LITERS !

LITER C
LITER O
LITER K
LITER E

Mommy D: But drenk ur magnulia ...

The Painter  Not rated yet
Boy in the pet shop, nakakita ng parrot:

Boy : Hoy, marunong ka bang magsalita? saguin mo ako ngayon din!

Parrot: oo marunong ako... ikaw marunong ...

Ang dalawang mag pare  Not rated yet
PARE 1: Pare nung mayaman kami, nagku-kutsara kami. Ngayong mahirap kami, nagkakamay kami.

PARE 2: E kami nung mayaman kami, nagkakamay kami. E ...

Si Juan, Pedro at Kulas.. WALA LANG!!  Not rated yet
May tatlong magkakaibigan sa desyerto... Si Juan, Pedro at Kulas.

Maya-mayay may nakita silang mga tao...

Judge sa Desyerto : Gusto nyo na ba ...

Alamat ng 3 bisaya  Not rated yet
May killer na kumakalat na may matinding galit sa mga bisaya. Malapit sa bahay ng 3 bisayang katulong na ang pangalan ay Maria, Deziree at Theresa. Isang ...

TGIF   Not rated yet
A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, 'T-G-I-F.'

He smiled at her and ...

Parental Wisdom - Pinoy Style  Not rated yet
Hinding-hindi ko makakalimutan ang mga mumunti ngunit ginintuang butil na payo na nakuha ko sa aking mga magulang.

1. Si Inay, tinuruan niya ako ...

Jollibee   Not rated yet
Pedro: Juan! Paparusahan ka daw ng hari! Punta ka daw sa mansion, bilisan mo!

Hari: Bakit nagkalat ka sa mansion, alam mo naman na bawal yun? Ngayon ...

Sharon favourites  Not rated yet
Si Sharon...

Ice cream: SELECTA
Ulam: CENTURY TUNA
Softdrinks: POP COLA
Snack: MCDONALDS

Kaya tingnan ang katawan... parang SUPER ...

Poo and Pee  Not rated yet
Three senior citizens are having difficulties when nature calls...

Senior Citizen 1 : You know guys, I'm having a real problem every time I pee pee....

THE THREE SERVANTS  Not rated yet
One day there's a king and three servants...

King : Go get some fruits. It should be ten of them.

The king didn't tell them ahead what he would ...

Baby Or A Monkey?  Not rated yet
Carrying her newborn in her arms, Joan got on the bus. The driver said,

Driver : "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!"

Joan slammed her money ...

Bra  Not rated yet
Anak: 'Nay, 13 na po ako... Pwede na ba akong mag bra??

Nanay: Di pwede anak!

After 2 years...

Anak: 'Nay 15 na po ako! Pwede na ba akong ...

Tay! Pengeng pambli ng bambeyper...  Not rated yet
Anak: 'Tay... 'Tay!.. Sabi ni Nanay, penge daw pambili ng bambeyper!

Tatay : Eh para san na naman ba yun?

Anak : Mag iispeling kami 'Tay....

Kayamanan  Not rated yet
Isang ina ang nagsilang nang napakapangit na anak...

Ina : Isa siyang kayamanan!

Ama : Oo nga... Ibaon natin!

..hehehe c",)

Eto pa.. Pinoy jokes!  Not rated yet
No opens.. luvs po namin kayo!
Ang mga Bisaya di ko maintindihan English nila...
English ng isda...pis
English ng mukha...pis
Ng pandikit...pis
...

Pinoy joke - Many, many years left!  Not rated yet
A woman named Desiree was from Beverly Hills.

One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table,...

Room Service  Not rated yet
A man calls room service at his hotel. "I want a breakfast of two eggs burned black around the edges, undercooked bacon, weak coffee,watery orange juice ...

Blondes in Heaven  Not rated yet
Two blondes meet in Heaven.

"How did you die?", the first one asks."Oh! I died in a freezer," the second blonde replied.

"So how did you die?" The ...

Crazy Filipino Joke Scripts  Not rated yet
GMA: Ano bang hinahanap mo dyan sa 3 in 1 coffee mo at kanina ka pa silip nang silip dyan?
Erap: Hinahanap ko yung libreng asukal! May nakasulat kasi ...

Laughter with Louie  Not rated yet
04 October 2007

INTERESTING ARITHMETIC:

MATHEMATICS:
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman ...

Pinoy Jokes - Waiting for urologist  Not rated yet
September 3, 2007
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with ...

Pinoy Jokes - Graveyard Walk  Not rated yet
September 3, 2007
Late one night, Jack took a short cut through a graveyard.

Hearing a tapping sound, he felt a little scared, but kept going. As ...

Pinoy Joke - Peanuts For You  Not rated yet
An old lady offers the bus driver some peanuts... so the driver happily munches them.
Every 5 minutes she gives him a handful more peanuts..
Driver ...

Pinoy Jokes - Funeral Remains  Not rated yet
At a funeral...
Emy : Tara na, Malou. alis na tayo!
Malou : Kararating pa lang natin ah!
Emy : Naku, mahirap nang maiwan. Basahin mo o, REMAINS ...

Pinoy Joke - Abakada to ABCDE  Not rated yet
Isa pang bagong saltang Pinoy sa Amerika ang gustong mag-long distance sa Pilipinas at dinayal yung "0 for Operator".
Operator: AT&T. How may I help ...